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University Life Café

angel statue

Cometh Thy Angels

Nothing in this world would make me go back. Nothing would make me want to be that girl again. The one you ignored…the one you controlled. That girl is dead and gone. The pain it brought me to be her. Every day I felt like dying. Like life was not worth living. Each day with you was another day I was closer to death. It felt so inviting…so easy to grasp. Unlike the love I truly needed. Somehow death felt like the only way out and it was all around. Each minute I spent next to you was another minute I felt myself contemplating about my suicide. I saw so many ways. Should it be poison? How about a hanging? What about a simple drowning? Every thought seemed better than the last. Each time I walked into the bathroom I felt like that would be the last time I walked in there. I was always prepared to never walk out. I always stood there for a moment…staring at the bruises. Watching the blood run down my face; feel the way the bumps were shaping into my face. This time it had gone too far. I can no longer take the pain. I can no longer deal with it. I stand here staring as the water level rises in the tub. I do not even realize it is about to overflow. As I turn off the water I am now mentally prepared for this. I plug in the radio near the tub and grab a razor blade. Ready to slit my wrists before my electrocution. I decide to turn on my radio to my favorite station for one last song. But what I hear is not what I expect…I hear three simple words that somehow stop me dead in my tracks. I hear a woman say, “God loves you.” I sit on the cold floor and listen as she goes on. I feel as if hands have been placed upon me. As if all the love I had been missing in my life came to me. Like someone wrapped their arms around me and whispered, “I love you. I am here for you. I am what you need.” At the end of the radio sermon I felt something new inside me. I put the blade back and drain the water out. I get dressed and head to the church down the street that I had always ignored. As I walk in I see the pastor’s wife. She walks up to me and embraces me in a hug. Something I have not felt in so long and I cannot help but smile. She looks into my eyes and says, “I am glad you came.” I look at her puzzled and ask, “How did you know I would?” She smiles and replies, “God told me he would send an angel in need of help.” All I could think was how this woman could have known my name was Angel. Then my thoughts pondered back to that sermon and I remembered the last thing the pastor had said, “cometh thy angels of God.” Was God really calling out to me? As I pondered this I felt warmth in my spirit. The woman reached her hand out to mine and asked, “Are you ready my dear?” I quickly grabbed ahold of her hand and said, “Yes.” She took me forward towards the alter and I have never looked back. At that moment I found someone who truly loved me. The one thing I had truly needed was so close to me. At last I finally found what I always needed. Have you?

--Phoenix